Waste Away
by wonderwall05
Summary: Hermione watched him lie there slowly wasting away in the hospital bed and she tried to remember his smile or his voice but it had all faded away. All she saw was the empty shell of the man she loved, still and silent.


When a person's sick for a long time you forget how they were before. It was sad really that as I looked at him as he lay in the hospital bed breathing slowly that all I could remember was the last five months he had lain in that same bed in the same position. I had known him for ten years and out of those ten years I could only remember barely half of this last.

I knew he had been a vibrant happy person and that I had loved him with all my heart. But, now it wasn't even him I looked at only an empty shell. I wanted to be able to touch his hand and feel what I used to. I felt so numb even when I left the hospital which I did rarely these days, my friends looked at me with concern and asked me the same question over and over again, " Are you sure you're okay?" I would always answer that yes I was fine just a little tired until they stopped asking altogether.

So I would sit day in and day out in that the small stifling room as I watched him waste away. I knew it was unhealthy to forget about my life just so I could be there as he slept, holding onto that hope that he would wake up. I didn't even read anymore and that was probably what worried everyone so much. For the first month I would always bring a book with me whether it was an ancient tome or some trashy romance novel. But as the third month turned into the fourth a book no longer accompanied me.

Mrs. Weasley had tried to console me but even her warm embraces grew old. No amount of good food and motherly love could wake him up and therefore I saw no reason to enjoy them while he couldn't. Everyone missed him yet no one could feel my pain. We all loved him but I loved him the most.

It was another day as I sat in that uncomfortable chair in the corner looking through the window at the London streets below. It was another gloomy day; a stereotypical London thick fog cloaking the skies and small sporadic splatters of rain tinkling against the window. I sighed and looked towards the bed watching the steady rise and fall of his chest and I closed my eyes trying to remember the first time we kissed and my mind drew a blank. I felt the tears prick at my eyes and it shocked me I hadn't cried in a long time and to think deaths hadn't affected me but the thought of that one lost memory was enough to start the water works.

I opened my eyes and almost screamed at the sight before me. There he sat with his eyes open looking right back at me.

" Hermione?" He whispered his voice hoarse. I sat still for a moment whether I had drifted off. " Hermione?" He asked again, I jumped up and ran to his side kneeling down and taking his hand.

" Harry?" I said hesitantly.

"How long have I been out?" He asked.

"Eight months." I said quietly he looked startled for a moment before grinning.

" I was expecting five days but at least it wasn't a year."

" I missed you." I said.

" Weren't about to give up on me now were you?" He joked and I felt the tears come to my eyes again. " Don't cry Mione." He said squeezing my hand but I couldn't stop. " Shhh." He whispered reaching up to brush away the tears from my face.

" I have to call the nurse!" I said jumping up and rushing for the button that would bring the team of doctors.

" Not now Mione. Just sit with me for a while?" He said.

" Alright." I sat down beside him.

" How are you Mione?" He asked that dreaded question but it didn't sound quite as bad coming from him.

" I've missed you, I've missed you so badly Harry." I said stumbling over my words.

" I'm so sorry." He whispered kissing my hand lightly.

" It's not your fault Harry really it isn't." I said.

" You're supposed to hate me for this." He said.

" Why?"

" The last battle, everything."

" You shouldn't have left me behind!" I said angrily.

" I wasn't about to let you risk yourself!" He shot back.

" If I was there I could have stopped this!" I said waving my arm at him.

" Nothing could have stopped it Hermione, don't kid yourself!"

" No you're kidding yourself! Thinking that just because you're the boy-who-lived means that you're infallible!" I shouted. " What if you had died Harry? I wouldn't even be able to sit by your bed every night and day! You'd be gone!" He lay shocked before reaching for my hand again.

" I'm sorry Mione, I am. But I couldn't let you go into battle I would never have survived knowing there was a chance you could get hurt."

" I'm not a child Harry!" I yelled and he started to speak stopping abruptly and coughing violently. " O god Harry I'm sorry." I whispered helping him take a sip of water.

" It's not your fault 'Mione." He whispered back, and we sat in silence for a while." I love you more than anything in the world. You know that right?" He said and I responded by nodding my head. " I want you to be happy Hermione, even if I'm not there to be happy with you. Will you promise me that?"

" I promise Harry." I said after hesitating for a moment.

" I want you to mean it." He whispered urgently.

" I mean it Harry I do." I said.

" Give me a kiss." He said and I leaned down kissing him gently on the lips and I felt that familiar spark jump between us and a warmth spread through my body and I actually began to feel happy.

" I love you." I whispered.

" I love you too Hermione." He said and began to cough again.

" I need to get the nurse." I said standing up and he let my hand go leaning back into the pillows.

" Alright." He said his eyes locking with mine and something inside of me screamed not to leave but I knew he needed a doctor. I walked out glancing back one final time to see him still looking at me. I hurried to the nurse's station and told them that he had awoken and I rushed back followed by a nurse and a doctor. My heart was pounding as I walked speedily down the hallway and the sudden urge to sprint overcame me and I ran through the door and to the side of his bed.

I thought my heart stopped. He looked so peaceful his eyes closed and his mouth turned up in the half-smile that he always wore when he was really happy. His hand was clenched around something and I thought I saw a glint of gold. I heard a wail from far away and it continued for minutes, hours, days it seemed to go on forever as I stared at his body laying still, motionless in that small hospital bed. I remember a hand touching my shoulder and I rushed to his side grabbing his still warm hand in mine.

The screaming was mine, my throat was raw as I cried out his name shaking him harshly. He knew! He knew he was going to die and he made me promise. I reached out a hand and pushed a stray strand of hair out of his face, I leaned over him slowly waiting for that soft breeze of air leaving his mouth and there was none. I placed my lips against his savoring for the last time his distinct flavor before pulling away. I watched as spatters of tears fell on his face.

A/N: I wrote this a while back and didn't really like it but I looked it today and realized that I did like it a lot. Hope you do as well, just a good ol' angsty piece.

Your depressing author,

Wonderwall

P.S. Just cause there is no smut doesn't mean I don't expect all you horndogs not to reply


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